Fire & Ice

My "boyfriend" told me last night that I never stick to one thing, and I am immovable. Is this supposed to be a bad thing? I'm not sure yet. From the way he said it, he thinks it's a bad thing. I mean I guess if you are trying to "move" someone, and they are immovable then it would be pretty frustrating. He said when I do try to change, I never give that change time enough to take affect. Maybe he gets that impression cause' I don't feel like I should change. I've always said I'm fire and ice. It's no secret that I can swing from hot to cold in a moments notice if provoked. These are all just thoughts I'm throwing out there, since we just had the conversation late last night and I haven't had the time to really think about it yet. But what I have been thinking about is the concept of change and if it's possible. Do you think after you reach a certain age you are capable of real, deep down to the core, change?
I've been on my own since I was 18 years old. Earlier than that if you want to count the time when adults were present but weren't doing shit to help me. Everything I have I've gotten on my own. I'm not saying I haven't had help here and there along the way, but for the most part it's been all on me. A couple of months ago a friend of mine was doing some kind of personality survey. She told me one of the questions was "name one adjective that best describes you" (or something to that effect). I guess that would be hard for most people, but right off the rip I said "survivor". I've always used that word to describe myself (yes, even before destiny's child). I feel so strongly about it, that the word is inked across my lower back. I've had enough pain to last two lifetimes, and I've survived it. Still am surviving it. I feel like it's inevitable for someone who has gone through what I have gone thru, to have hard places where the soft ones used to be. Is it possible for me to change? Who I am has gotten me through everything. I will admit it's also gotten me into some trouble too. And I will also admit that at times I can be stubborn and a little high-strung. But I've always been like that, even in the beginning of the relationship. I mean if you love someone how do you change without compromising who you really are? And why does it always seem like the things a person loves about you in the beginning are the same things they hate about you in the end. I guess that's why they call it falling in love. Maybe during the "fall" we hit our heads along the way and it clouds our judgment. Next time I'll wear a helmet.