This to shall pass
Didn't really do anything this weekend but mope around the house. Did the mountains of laundry I should have done last week, and the week before, and... well you get the picture. Cleaned my house from top to bottom and got rid of all the clothes Peanut couldn't fit. I guess the theme of this weekend was cleaning house. In more ways than one I guess. I went thru all the things I've saved from our relationship. The movie stubs, the cards, the little notes he would leave when he left my house after a visit... everything. I started to throw it all away but I realized those things meant enough to me to save them, so I packed it up in a box, taped it and put it in the back of Peanut's closet. I will save those things for him so he can see the love he was created from.
As for me, I guess it's time to get on with it. Last night, after my fourth consecutive sleepless night (more on that later), I was thinking about this situation. I was wondering how I was gonna get thru this mess and if I really could move on. A little voice in my head said one word and I knew eventually I would be ok.
Terrill. It was the second semester of freshman year and I was at a party on campus. It was about six of us that went together. We were all from the same dorm. I didn't feel well so I went back to my room early. About an hour later there was a knock on my door and it was one of the girls that I had gone to the party with. She was in the band and told me that one of her friends from the band had seen me at the party and wanted my number. Of course I said no. I didn't really think that much about it until two days later when this guy calls my room. He asks for me by name but I didn't know him. He told me he saw me at the party and asked my friend for my number but I wouldn't give it to her so he had to get it by other means. To this day, I still don't know how he got it. His name was Terrill. We ended up talking for about 30 minutes, and during those 30 minutes he managed to get on my last nerves. I couldn't wait for that conversation to end. About a week goes by and we are all on the yard and the same girl comes up to me and points Terrill out to me. He was fine as hell, but all I kept thinking about was that conversation. That night I get another phone call, and again he grated on my nerves. We got off the phone and he called me back and hour later. I was all ready to tell him to stop calling me, but then the weirdest thing happened. He asked me my favorite song and I told him, and he put it on so I could hear it in the background. Then we just started talking. We talked for 10 hours that night. I will never forget it. We talked everyday and every night for the next month. We went to the movies; we would meet at the football field at night and just walk the track or sit on the bleachers. We talked about everything. He got to know me and he got me. You know what I mean? You ever meet someone who just gets you? That was Terrill. Needless to say we fell in love. He made me feel beautiful and funny and so many other things I can’t even describe. We had so much passion. We fought hard, made love hard, laughed hard, and loved each other… hard. We were together for five years. May of 99’ he came to stay at my house for the weekend. Friday night and all day Saturday we just chilled at my house, until his friend called us to go out. He wanted us to ride with him to pick up another friend of ours from work. I didn’t feel like it but Terrill decided to go. I was pissed at him cause’ we had plans that night. We got into a big ass argument and I said a lot of stuff to him that I regret to this day. His friend came to my house to pick him up and he left. It was the last time I saw him alive. His grandmother called me around 2am to see if Terrill was with me, and I explained to her that he had left with a friend and probably wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. She told me that she had gotten a call saying he had been in an accident. Of course I thought that was crazy but I called our friends house to see what was going on. No one answered, so I called the local hospital to see if any accidents were reported. There were none so I proceeded to call hospitals in other counties and sure enough there had been an accident. I didn’t even ask who was in the accident, I just knew. I knew it in my bones that it was him and that he wasn’t ok. There were four of them in the truck stopped at a red light, when a stupid bitch in a tractor trailer who didn’t know to stop driving when you are sleepy rammed into the back of the truck. The truck flipped over and exploded. Two got out and two didn’t. He was burned up. It took me an hour and a half to get to that hospital and the whole time I prayed it wasn’t true, that there had been some mix-up. There wasn’t. He was gone. My best friend, my lover, was gone. I cried for 2 weeks straight. I didn’t leave my room I didn’t eat or talk to anyone. I kept replaying in my head that argument we had, and the missed opportunity to tell him one more time that I loved him. I was so depressed I could barely move. I thought I would never get over that pain. But I did. Everyday it got a little better, the pain a little lighter. Everyday I felt a little less hopeless. So last night I was reminded if I could get thru that I can get thru this. Pray for me ya’ll.
As for me, I guess it's time to get on with it. Last night, after my fourth consecutive sleepless night (more on that later), I was thinking about this situation. I was wondering how I was gonna get thru this mess and if I really could move on. A little voice in my head said one word and I knew eventually I would be ok.
Terrill. It was the second semester of freshman year and I was at a party on campus. It was about six of us that went together. We were all from the same dorm. I didn't feel well so I went back to my room early. About an hour later there was a knock on my door and it was one of the girls that I had gone to the party with. She was in the band and told me that one of her friends from the band had seen me at the party and wanted my number. Of course I said no. I didn't really think that much about it until two days later when this guy calls my room. He asks for me by name but I didn't know him. He told me he saw me at the party and asked my friend for my number but I wouldn't give it to her so he had to get it by other means. To this day, I still don't know how he got it. His name was Terrill. We ended up talking for about 30 minutes, and during those 30 minutes he managed to get on my last nerves. I couldn't wait for that conversation to end. About a week goes by and we are all on the yard and the same girl comes up to me and points Terrill out to me. He was fine as hell, but all I kept thinking about was that conversation. That night I get another phone call, and again he grated on my nerves. We got off the phone and he called me back and hour later. I was all ready to tell him to stop calling me, but then the weirdest thing happened. He asked me my favorite song and I told him, and he put it on so I could hear it in the background. Then we just started talking. We talked for 10 hours that night. I will never forget it. We talked everyday and every night for the next month. We went to the movies; we would meet at the football field at night and just walk the track or sit on the bleachers. We talked about everything. He got to know me and he got me. You know what I mean? You ever meet someone who just gets you? That was Terrill. Needless to say we fell in love. He made me feel beautiful and funny and so many other things I can’t even describe. We had so much passion. We fought hard, made love hard, laughed hard, and loved each other… hard. We were together for five years. May of 99’ he came to stay at my house for the weekend. Friday night and all day Saturday we just chilled at my house, until his friend called us to go out. He wanted us to ride with him to pick up another friend of ours from work. I didn’t feel like it but Terrill decided to go. I was pissed at him cause’ we had plans that night. We got into a big ass argument and I said a lot of stuff to him that I regret to this day. His friend came to my house to pick him up and he left. It was the last time I saw him alive. His grandmother called me around 2am to see if Terrill was with me, and I explained to her that he had left with a friend and probably wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. She told me that she had gotten a call saying he had been in an accident. Of course I thought that was crazy but I called our friends house to see what was going on. No one answered, so I called the local hospital to see if any accidents were reported. There were none so I proceeded to call hospitals in other counties and sure enough there had been an accident. I didn’t even ask who was in the accident, I just knew. I knew it in my bones that it was him and that he wasn’t ok. There were four of them in the truck stopped at a red light, when a stupid bitch in a tractor trailer who didn’t know to stop driving when you are sleepy rammed into the back of the truck. The truck flipped over and exploded. Two got out and two didn’t. He was burned up. It took me an hour and a half to get to that hospital and the whole time I prayed it wasn’t true, that there had been some mix-up. There wasn’t. He was gone. My best friend, my lover, was gone. I cried for 2 weeks straight. I didn’t leave my room I didn’t eat or talk to anyone. I kept replaying in my head that argument we had, and the missed opportunity to tell him one more time that I loved him. I was so depressed I could barely move. I thought I would never get over that pain. But I did. Everyday it got a little better, the pain a little lighter. Everyday I felt a little less hopeless. So last night I was reminded if I could get thru that I can get thru this. Pray for me ya’ll.
posted by Meka at 11:32 AM
2 Comments:
That was deep. I've been there. I was there when my significant other at the time was killed in a vehicular accident. I walked away without a scratch. A little part of you dies when someone close to you leaves this plane of existence. God bless you on your fortitude and strength luv. You WILL get through this as well.
Wow. . .that brought tears to my eyes. I will keep your in my prayers . . . Stay strong and prayerful
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