Girls night out
Last night I went out with a couple of my girlfriends. The thing I like about going out with these two particular girlfriends is that we don't always talk about men & sex. We talk about books, and movies, theater, and art etc.... But last night all we talked about were men & sex, which is ok too:-). Anyway, we started talking about another girlfriend of ours and how she's going thru some things in her relationship right now. My friend Rachelle was saying how it's her fault because she picks the same kind of men over and over. She said the first time her boyfriend cheated on her she should have left him, because if she stayed that sends a message to the man that he can do it again. That statement really stuck in my head well after we had moved on from the conversation.
I was curious if that statement was true. That if your man cheated on you and you didn't leave, does he see that as a sign to do it again and again. So I asked two of my male friends and Benjamin. I asked them all the same exact question. Benjamin said if he cheated on me and I stayed with him it does send the message that he can do it again. The other two said no. They would just be thankful their woman didn't leave them and would never do it again. I'm really not feeling Benjamin's answer for some reason but I don't know why. I know I would leave him if he cheated on me, so it shouldn't bother me that he said that, but it does. Let me know what you think.
It also got me to thinking about relationship patterns and what I've learned from past realtionships. Do we just pick the same type over and over or do we learn from past realtionships and choose according to those lessons? I don't know. But I did come up with a list of things I've learned from past relationships. Like to hear it? Here it goes......
·Love DOES NOT hurt.
·You can’t change anyone. People are who they are you either have to accept that or move on.
·No one has the right to treat you bad.
·What you give is what you’ll get.
·Pay attention to your mate or someone else will.
·If you’re crying all the time, chances are you aren’t in a good relationship.
·Live separately for as long as possible.
·Always let each other know how you feel, even if it hurts.
·Support your mate in what they do, but not at your expense.
·Opposites attract but people with things in common have more to talk about and will understand each other more.
·You must respect each other at all times, especially when you’re arguing.
·If you don’t love yourself you can’t love anyone else and you can’t accept love either.
·Pick your battles. Everything is not worth arguing over.
·Compromise!!!
·If someone cheats either forgive or leave but don’t question yourself or try to punish the other person.
·Don’t nag.
·Don’t let anyone make you into who they want you to be.
·Know yourself so no one can.
·People make mistakes. Forgiveness heals.
·If you keep patching things up, pretty soon all you’ll have are patches.
·Be strong, he will respect you more.
·Don’t lie, the truth will come out eventually.
I was curious if that statement was true. That if your man cheated on you and you didn't leave, does he see that as a sign to do it again and again. So I asked two of my male friends and Benjamin. I asked them all the same exact question. Benjamin said if he cheated on me and I stayed with him it does send the message that he can do it again. The other two said no. They would just be thankful their woman didn't leave them and would never do it again. I'm really not feeling Benjamin's answer for some reason but I don't know why. I know I would leave him if he cheated on me, so it shouldn't bother me that he said that, but it does. Let me know what you think.
It also got me to thinking about relationship patterns and what I've learned from past realtionships. Do we just pick the same type over and over or do we learn from past realtionships and choose according to those lessons? I don't know. But I did come up with a list of things I've learned from past relationships. Like to hear it? Here it goes......
·Love DOES NOT hurt.
·You can’t change anyone. People are who they are you either have to accept that or move on.
·No one has the right to treat you bad.
·What you give is what you’ll get.
·Pay attention to your mate or someone else will.
·If you’re crying all the time, chances are you aren’t in a good relationship.
·Live separately for as long as possible.
·Always let each other know how you feel, even if it hurts.
·Support your mate in what they do, but not at your expense.
·Opposites attract but people with things in common have more to talk about and will understand each other more.
·You must respect each other at all times, especially when you’re arguing.
·If you don’t love yourself you can’t love anyone else and you can’t accept love either.
·Pick your battles. Everything is not worth arguing over.
·Compromise!!!
·If someone cheats either forgive or leave but don’t question yourself or try to punish the other person.
·Don’t nag.
·Don’t let anyone make you into who they want you to be.
·Know yourself so no one can.
·People make mistakes. Forgiveness heals.
·If you keep patching things up, pretty soon all you’ll have are patches.
·Be strong, he will respect you more.
·Don’t lie, the truth will come out eventually.
posted by Meka at 10:09 AM
2 Comments:
That list is dead on. It took me a really long time to learn a lot of those - especially the one about not changing someone. I think a lot of times women take in men because we see their potential and we want to be the one to help them cultivate that. Well if they aren't willing to do it themselves, we damn sure can't do it for them. Excellent post.
I started to copy and paste that list so that I could forward to none other than myself. I need to read that thang everyday! You made some extremely good points.
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