Clown General Hospital
I just got to work. I’ve been up with a sick baby all night in the emergency room. I had to show my ass ya’ll. I am a very calm person. It takes a whole helluva lot to get me to the point where I feel I need to raise my voice. I reached that point today. When it comes to my son, don’t fuck with me. Period.
I take him to the ER cause he’s burning up. I mean hot to the touch burning up. When we get there they take his temperature and it’s 104.6. When I heard that my jaws just dropped. My poor baby. I guess I watch too much TV cause I expected the nurse to rush us back stat. I wanted them to drop everything they were doing, call a code blue, and come rushing to my baby’s bedside. All I got was an “ok go sit back in the waiting room and they will call you for registration”. What the fuck? How high does a baby’s temp have to be before I can skip registration and go straight back to treatment? 204.6? Do I need to stick a lighter to his body and make him boil? So right away I’m pissed. An hour later, after me getting up no less than 10 times to give the triage lady my “come the fuck on” eye roll, we get taken to the back. Doctor comes in to ask me some stupid questions. “Why did you bring him in?” Uhhhh did you not see the chart? I’ve already gone thru this with the triage nurse. “Did his high temp alarm you?” No I thought it was funny, I just bought him to the ER to see if you thought it was too. What a fucktard (thanks Belle that’s my new favorite word).
After this idiot interrogates me, the nurse comes in to give him a bag of fluid, draw some blood, and get a urine sample. Apparently the only way to get a urine sample from a baby boy is to stick a catheter tube into his penis. Advice to the medical community: invent a pill that you can give a baby to make them pee. Don’t stick a tube down their penis and damn sure don’t comment that this won’t hurt that much. It will. I don’t have to have a penis to know that. So they get the blood and urine samples and then go for the IV. The second nurse comes in and I swear this is the conversation:
Nurse 1: Have you ever done a pediatric IV before?
Nurse 2: No, I tried to do one yesterday but I couldn’t get a vein so Cathy (I’m assuming another nurse) did it. I was poking around on that poor little arm for 5 minutes.
Nurse 1: Well go get a kit and you can do this one.
No the fuck she can’t. My son’s name is Benjamin not Guinea. Nurse 1 must have seen the look on my face. “Don’t worry this is a teaching hospital. We all learned by practicing.” Was that reassurance? I’m sure that it’s true. I mean how can you learn medicine without practicing it? You can’t. I still don’t give a damn. Not on my son. So Nurse 2 comes back with the IV kit. Nurse one says she’ll go ahead and do it and then gives her a little look. Whatever. Just get it done. By this time Peanut is screaming. He’s sweaty and wet from crying and trying to jerk his body away so when she tries to tape the IV to his hand the tape won’t stick. So she sends the nurse out once again to get some stuff to make the tape stick. Somehow the idiot got her finger stuck to the tape and when she tried to yank it the whole IV came out. I lost it. I went the fuck off. Called her every name I could think of. Told her I want a doctor to do this or a nurse that didn’t have stupid written on her forehead.
I’m just happy my baby is ok. It was just a viral infection. He’s better now and almost back to his naughty self.
I take him to the ER cause he’s burning up. I mean hot to the touch burning up. When we get there they take his temperature and it’s 104.6. When I heard that my jaws just dropped. My poor baby. I guess I watch too much TV cause I expected the nurse to rush us back stat. I wanted them to drop everything they were doing, call a code blue, and come rushing to my baby’s bedside. All I got was an “ok go sit back in the waiting room and they will call you for registration”. What the fuck? How high does a baby’s temp have to be before I can skip registration and go straight back to treatment? 204.6? Do I need to stick a lighter to his body and make him boil? So right away I’m pissed. An hour later, after me getting up no less than 10 times to give the triage lady my “come the fuck on” eye roll, we get taken to the back. Doctor comes in to ask me some stupid questions. “Why did you bring him in?” Uhhhh did you not see the chart? I’ve already gone thru this with the triage nurse. “Did his high temp alarm you?” No I thought it was funny, I just bought him to the ER to see if you thought it was too. What a fucktard (thanks Belle that’s my new favorite word).
After this idiot interrogates me, the nurse comes in to give him a bag of fluid, draw some blood, and get a urine sample. Apparently the only way to get a urine sample from a baby boy is to stick a catheter tube into his penis. Advice to the medical community: invent a pill that you can give a baby to make them pee. Don’t stick a tube down their penis and damn sure don’t comment that this won’t hurt that much. It will. I don’t have to have a penis to know that. So they get the blood and urine samples and then go for the IV. The second nurse comes in and I swear this is the conversation:
Nurse 1: Have you ever done a pediatric IV before?
Nurse 2: No, I tried to do one yesterday but I couldn’t get a vein so Cathy (I’m assuming another nurse) did it. I was poking around on that poor little arm for 5 minutes.
Nurse 1: Well go get a kit and you can do this one.
No the fuck she can’t. My son’s name is Benjamin not Guinea. Nurse 1 must have seen the look on my face. “Don’t worry this is a teaching hospital. We all learned by practicing.” Was that reassurance? I’m sure that it’s true. I mean how can you learn medicine without practicing it? You can’t. I still don’t give a damn. Not on my son. So Nurse 2 comes back with the IV kit. Nurse one says she’ll go ahead and do it and then gives her a little look. Whatever. Just get it done. By this time Peanut is screaming. He’s sweaty and wet from crying and trying to jerk his body away so when she tries to tape the IV to his hand the tape won’t stick. So she sends the nurse out once again to get some stuff to make the tape stick. Somehow the idiot got her finger stuck to the tape and when she tried to yank it the whole IV came out. I lost it. I went the fuck off. Called her every name I could think of. Told her I want a doctor to do this or a nurse that didn’t have stupid written on her forehead.
I’m just happy my baby is ok. It was just a viral infection. He’s better now and almost back to his naughty self.
posted by Meka at 3:18 PM
2 Comments:
Meka baby, that was some ordeal to have to go through. I don't have to be a father to know that nobody messes with a mother's son. I couldn't believe what was being said though. "don't worry, this is a teaching hospital???" I'm not even sure those words can be even put together in one sentence and be reassuring.
And I would think that everything would stop once a child's temperature is at 104.6! I had a 105 temp just a couple of months ago and I'm as strong as an ox and that damn near put this brother down. I can only imagine what it would've done to little man. I'm happy that all turned out well for Benjamin. Thank God for that. (p.s. You're scary when you're mad - never seen that side of you before :)
Aww Hell To The Naw!! Girl, that is too crazy. I'm so glad you restrained yourself cause I know it must've been hard not to start throwing ish around, demanding to get the quality of care you PAY for!
I'm so glad your son's okay, though!
Hey come by if you get a chance and take the poll I'm doing about this guy my friend is dating who kissed his best friend goodbye...on the lips. Now I dont know for sure, but a large group of people think that he's gay, or bi, or giddie as a school girl. Let me you think on the poll.
Lambchop (Chops)~
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